Just a Regular Guy Who Found Something That Actually Works

Marine veteran, former Teamster, working-class kid originally from Philly who hit rock bottom and discovered the simplest path back up. A lay-entrusted practitioner in the Soto Zen Buddhist lineage ordained by Hosho Peter Coyote.

Read the Introduction To The Book!

From Dirty Darby to Staring at Walls

I'm originally from a tough, working-class area of Philadelphia - a place we affectionately call "Dirty Darby." Marine Corps veteran, former Teamster, the kind of guy who fed on conflict and solved problems the hard way.

For twenty years, I was a mess. PTSD, anxiety, depression - the whole package. I went through VA treatment, about fifteen moves to a dozen different locations, two short stints in jail, more close calls with the law than I can count, divorce, and more jobs than I care to remember.

If I can do it, anyone can!

My respected friend and mentor Peter Coyote led me to a book by a dead Zen master named Suzuki Roshi. At first, I thought, "What's this guy selling?" But something about the old teacher's approach cut through all the spiritual BS. He wasn't selling anything. He just said, "Rather than thinking about meditation, just do it."

How Staring at a Wall Saved My Life

I took meds, exercised, ate right, and meditated every day for about three years straight. I did everything right as I could. Then one day, I woke up stable. I can't tell you exactly how it happened, but once I was balanced, it took another year for me to believe it.

I have had my share of falls, but my sh*t's been together for close to a decade. That's why I'm in a good position to help others who are where I used to be.

The practice isn't pretty or exotic. It's sitting in front of a blank wall and watching your mind and body dance. Initially, to be realistic and develop a routine, we sit for just five minutes. Just you, a wall, and the courage to sit still when everything inside wants to run.

I got out of the service in 1993. My problems built from there. I was uneasy and unhappy. I was confused and angry. I suffered from alcoholism, anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. I started experimenting with meditation in 2006. I committed to Zen practice ten years later and have never looked back.